A bittersweet symphony. The relationships are always filled with expectations under the periphery of love, care, and respect, and one such relationship is of a mother and daughter-in law. In a world, full of logical epiphanies, some relationships go beyond the logic and survive purely on the rule of selflessness and understanding and to thread this beautiful relationship together, I have Madhu and her MIL (Mother-in-law / Ma) treading their own symphonies on Diwali.
Madhu: Can we order readymade chaklis this time? I have contact details of someone who makes excellent chaklis and will deliver them too!
Plus, this time, I am busy with my office deadlines and partial WFH has left me with no time for housework.
(Madhu started the conversation at the dining table. Of course, it’s Diwali, and Madhu’s MIL (mother-in-law – Ma) was excited and ready to make a variety of sweets and namkeen at home. Madhu was fine with it but wanted to try outsourcing, as she had observed a typical after-effect of Ma’s (MIL) enthusiasm in the last two years. Ma had fallen sick out of exhaustion and allergy post homemade preparations. The minute Madhu mentioned about the idea of outsourcing, Ma naturally got inquisitive about pricing and other details.)
Ma: Okay if you think so we can try! No issues!
Madhu was surprised to get that quick, positive response. She happily went to bed and decided to call the lady next morning to check other details with her. She never knew next morning would bring her surprises with a mix of bursting crackers.
Madhu and Raghu were getting ready to leave for office. Ma and Pa were busy getting lunch boxes ready for Madhu and Raghu. It was a family routine of 15 minutes tea/breakfast time and quick updates for the day till they meet for dinner again. Madhu reminded herself to call the lady during lunchtime as she grabbed a sandwich with tea and checked for fresh “insta” updates and Ma had an update.
Ma: Today I (with Papa’s help) will make some chaklis with this half kg packet, we have at home. If we need more, we can order. I know Madhu is concerned about my health but, I am fine and energetic so why order when I can make it at home? I will take care of my health. But I want Madhu to give me permission, ‘happily’ for making chaklis at home.
Madhu: Ok Ma….if you think so…please go ahead.
(Madhu was dumbfounded at this. She was sad and speechless and felt that there is no value to what she cared for. To top it all, Ma asked for her permission. Madhu felt kind of defeated and upset. Within seconds Madhu had multiple waves of thoughts. Though she was worried and wanted to discuss it further, Madhu had no time in the morning to argue. She nodded ‘yes’ and left for the office. It was a minor incident but had occupied her mind. Work and time make you forget everything. The same happened with Madhu too.)
During lunchtime, she remembered the morning episode and the feeling of ‘defeat’ surfaced one more time.
Alternatively, Madhu also realized that Ma had decided to make chaklis on the day when Madhu is in the office, so she doesn’t have to work extra at home, which also implies that most of the tasks will be done by Ma, particularly the frying, and inhaling fumes will be unavoidable. Suddenly startled by a thought Madhu called home.
Madhu: Hi, Ma! What’s happening? Are you done making chaklis? Please, please wear a mask while frying’ there was a concern in her tone.
‘You know you are allergic to fumes and please lie down after you are done with everything. We don’t want you to fall sick.
In one go Madhu finished her instructions. She sounded hasty, but her voice expressed care and affection.
Ma: Madhu, don’t worry, I know you weren’t happy about the last-minute change in the plan but avoided any argument so thank you for the gesture. I am frying chaklis and Pa is helping me. I am wearing a mask all the time to avoid fume allergies. Pa got slightly upset with me as I started with the additional task of making ‘Sev/ Bhujia’. But worry not! I will wrap up quickly and will take a good rest.’ One request, if you and Raghu can take care of the dinner? It’s totally your choice to make it at home or order out. And don’t worry about me. I won’t fall sick.’
Madhu didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She was at loss for words. She knew on such exhausting days, everyone at home enjoys a pizza party, particularly Ma. Ma loves eating thin-crust margarita pizza but she likes someone else to order it.
That night, Pizza was ordered and homemade chaklis were tasted with a sip of hot ginger tea. Dinner can be ordered, but Diwali Chaklis should be homemade – Ma’s pride. ‘Chakli episode’ was resolved amicably, as both the parties had empathy towards each other beyond self-egotism and pride.
They say, “one teaspoon of understanding, one teaspoon of care, and one tablespoon of egoless adaptation makes every relationship crispy and crunchy like Diwali Chakli.”
Let this Diwali brighten your world with compassion, marks a new beginning in your life, and spice your life with crackers and savories.
– Nilambari Gokhale
